How to Write Funny
And piss off your neighbors! Or at least your wife!
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This is the third time I’ve tried to write this!
You see, I have a problem. I’m funny!
When you’re funny, and you’re trying to write an essay (as I am), all you’re thinking about is getting the laugh.
Correctomundo! Being funny often gets in the way.
But…I promised in the title of the essay that I would tell you how you can write funny. Yes, Martha, that includes you!
So, I have to drop the schtick a bit and focus on the content.
Whew!
One Way to Write Funny
There are tons of ways to write funny. (Actually, they are all just one thing in different disguises.) But so that you can start writing funny, too. I want to draw your attention to one of the most useful comedy devices ever invented: the rule of three.
Once you get this down, it’s actually pretty easy…and funny.
Here’s a funny thing I just wrote using the rule of three.
“I was so depressed, I decided to get my hair cut. The barber asked me how I wanted it. I said a little off the top, clean up the sideburns, and slit my throat from ear to ear.”
A little off the top makes perfect sense. So does clean up the sideburns. But then whammo! “Slit my throat from ear to ear.”
That last part is the punchline.
We were all doing fine until he said, “slit my throat.”
It’s a wild exaggeration.
It’s absurd.
As humans, we laugh at it.
Here’s some more.
From a Recent Essay
I like to write funny essays, some (many) of which make their way onto this Substack.
I was writing an essay about where I live.
“Yeah, I really like where I live. It’s very countercultural. You know we got all the right yard signs. ‘In this house we believe…,’ ‘BLM,’ ‘Weight Watchers!’”
Weight Watchers is the punch.
The “In this house we believe,” and “BLM” signs go in a certain direction that virtually everyone today would understand.
But then…whammo! “Weight Watchers”? That’s ridiculous, stupid, somewhat condescending, and crazy funny! (Unless you’re Woke, and you lost your sense of humor back in 2014.)
The Funny Tag
You can ramp up the funny from a rule of three pattern with an even funnier tag.
So, the barber thing.
It went… “take some off the top, clean up the sideburns, and slit my throat from ear to ear.”
You could add any of many ridiculous tags to that. Things that up the comedy, or the stupidity, or whatever you want to call it.
Let’s add the following.
The guy leaned over. ‘We got a special on Fentanyl overdoses today. Less pain. Less mess for me to clean up, too!’
That’s two tags:
1. Fentanyl overdoses
2. Less mess
This is getting sick! And funny!
Oh, you want a tag for the Weight Watchers one?
(Are you sure about this? I’m sensing I’m playing with fire here.)
Okay… I mean if you really want to twist the knife…
Yeah, I really like where I live. It’s very countercultural.
You know we got all the right yard signs.
In this house we believe…
BLM
Weight Watchers
… Most of my neighbors don’t even know I voted for… that man!
Of course, that man is…ahem!
(If you’re about to pass out, breathe. I’m using all of this for instructional purposes only. I neither endorse nor do I not endorse…that man. And, I realize I should have named my privileges before we got going…ahem!)
Common Uses of the Rule of Three
You can use this writing comedy. You can use it doing stand-up.
You can use it in novels. You can use it in screenplays for comedy series. (The funny ones.)
You can’t use it for Conan O’Brien…mainly because he’s not funny.
(BTW, did you see how I did that just now? If not, reread!)
You can use this at home.
Take my vegetarian spouse when I ask her what she wants for dinner, and she invariably asks me what I want in response.
“Oh, I could go for garlic noodles, that broccoli dish you like, or raw bison burger.”
This isn’t going to win you any friends at home, but you got to admit it’s funny!
Now You Know
Now you know one of the big secrets to being funny.
Serious, serious, ridiculous!
The rule of three.
Enjoy yourself with this.
Also, slap one of those bison burgers on the grill for me next time I’m over! 😉
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Good stuff!
PS - I also enthusiastically voted for "that man."
And he's doing a great job.
One more thing. That little joke (or jokes) I came up with myself. They just kind of rolled off the assembly line. Most jokes take a lot of work to write. What I mean is you have to write about 20 to get one that's even decent. However, if you want to cheat, and get ChatGPT to help you write jokes, check out this earlier article: https://leecolewrites.substack.com/p/how-to-write-jokes-with-aino-really . (I'm not saying you should. I'm saying you could. And if you don't understand jokes and joke writing, you won't be able to spot the good ones even if you're aided by AI.)