How Crazy Horse’s Plastic Arrowheads Didn't Suck!

Trigger warning: Slightly adult-themed

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I was very happy yesterday after the recycling came and picked up my old vacuum cleaner. It didn’t fit in the blue recycling box, which I worried might disqualify it from immediate pickup. We live in a world of rules and regulations. I used to think that we used all these dicta¹ to replace common sense. I used to think we did this because people were generally stupid and lazy, because common sense wasn’t… that common. I’m happy to say now that this isn’t what I think. I think most folks have it on the ball. How the heck else could they survive in the very inhospitable world we live in? No, all these rules and regulations are the noxious outgassings of overgrown and overburdensome local governments. It’s how they justify themselves, how they nourish themselves through fines and penalties.

I got rid of the vacuum cleaner because it broke. I think this is the fourteenth or fifteenth vacuum cleaner I’ve had in my adult life. To be fair, I’m in my 60s, so it would make sense if you naturally pegged me as having had more than one vacuum cleaner over the years—one or two, maybe. But fifteen? Why so many?

Most broke like the one I just threw away. They ain’t made like they was! It’s all plastic now, cheap plastic at that. This isn’t the kind of plastic that Daniel Boone and the pioneers carried with them through the Cumberland Pass. It’s not the plastic that the doughboys carried over to Europe to win WWI with. It’s not the plastic that allowed Patton to break the Nazi siege of Bastogne at the Battle of the Bulge, nor was it the plastic that Crazy Horse and his Indians used to tip the arrows that carried the day at Little Big Horn.

Now, and don’t hate me, but it might have been the plastic that didn’t win in Vietnam…I’m not sure. I’d have to do more research on this.

But, the bottom line is that all these vacs that petered out on me during the years were made of crappy plastic! Not just plastic, but crappy plastic!

Basically, what I want to say is this: modern-day vacuum cleaners suck…because they don’t suck. Well, they suck when they’re new, which is why new ones don’t seem to suck when you try them out at the store. But as the vacuum cleaners age, I mean in a few months or so, they quit sucking so much. In other words, they start sucking!

(A modern-day vacuum cleaner is basically the opposite of a working girl in Nevada…I’ll leave you to…oh, how shall we say it…tease out the details. 😉 )

Capiche?

Note: see the footnote below: this has nothing to do with dicta!

And now that we’ve gotten this far, I really think I should stop.

Crazy Horse, Little Big whatever, plastic-covered this and that…things have gotten really out of hand! LOL

¹ Dicta: Plural of dictum: a formal or authoritative statement. Has nothing to do with Debbie does Dallas.

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